Thursday, August 27, 2015

Half Your Age Plus 7

I think I mentioned I have hit the bottom of the barrel on eHarm.  And this point, I think the matching algorithm drank all the whiskey in the barrel, hit the bottom, broke through the bottom, threw its hands up in the air and said "why the hell not" and started digging to China.  Because that logic makes sense when you're sh!& faced drunk.  And that drunken logic is the only explanation for what happened this past week.

*Please note how polite I was to block identifying details. Aka I'm a saint.

Now listen, I concede maybe the "algorithm" realizes that I'm an awesome, mature gal and could handle an older man. That's probably why I set my age limit to 40. And this is where eHarm lost me. I was under the assumption that there's a reason you get to set an age bracket - presumably because you've given some thought to it and decided "yeah... this is probably around where I want to stick."  And I get it, in some instances, maybe they provide a match that is a little outside that range.  Buuuuuutttt I'm not sure 11 years outside that age is what I had in mind.

At 51, he is closer in age to my dad than to me.  Isn't this why they have the "half your age plus seven" rule?! Why is that not automatically built into said algorithm?! (And for the record, I fall below the acceptable age of the half your age plus seven rule! Woot woot, looks who's feeling young these days!! Get it gurl!!) But seriously, I mean, let's break it down here - the only reason a girl is with someone TWO DECADES older than she is is 1) daddy issues or 2) she's being well taken care of (and I think we all know what that entails - wink wink!!)  I'm going throwing this out there, but there is a pretty vibrant bar scene here, so if these two gentlemen are in the market to be picking up a hot young thang because of their affluence, they wouldn't be on eHarm.  They'd be at a bar, pulling out their Amex black card to not so discretely start a tab, and then beating the ladies off with a stick. I should know, since I've seen it happen.  No shame. In the words of Jay Z: money, cash, hoes.

Also, can I just harp on Mr. 48's passion for travel.  The picture might be small but it lists three places he's "traveled" this week.  All are within a 10 mile radius... Of his home.  Can you really claim you love to travel when "traveling" means routine trips around town? That's like saying "Oh I'm a really big adventurer - I went to Costco and Home Goods this weekend! Yeah, I know right?! I really like to live on the edge." No. Just no. I have been to all of those places in one night of bar hopping.

I think I'm just going to wait until I can sign up It's Our Time - aka the dating site for old people. Which, I might add, is where these jokers belong.

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