Monday, September 14, 2015

Karma and Kwestions

Today was the beginning of my healthy eating adventures, which has also become known as "hands on a hard body." No, not the documentary, think more spring break - I hope to be the hardbody, not a truck, and I'm still searching for those hands that never leave me...   Which, of course, means this weekend was the last hurrah, the binge of all binges, the eat whatever crap you have left in your fridge because it all needs to be gone by Monday, walk to Kroger for the discount cake slice after 9pm, and drink that XL McDonalds Sweet Tea (aka liquid gold.)  And yes, please let's quell that inner voice that's thinking "wow, that's really not a good way to start..." I know. I laugh in the face of your practicality.  So instead I went full force.  And of course that meant I spent all of Friday convinced I had developed diabetes.

Despite the awful and painful date I had with Diabetes, the only thing I know about the symptoms I learned from the BabySitters Club.  Shout out to Stacey since I'm pretty sure that fact is true about me and a majority of the female population our age.  Anyway, after a bit of self reflection, I realized that it was probably the two hot teas, 16 oz of water, two cans of la croix, and XL McD's sweet tea all before 4pm and not karma for being a terrible person to Diabetes (the date, not the disease).  That, and the fact I imbibed all of these delicious beverages while on the couch watching Hart of Dixie.  Rachel Bilson does such a convincing job as a doctor in short shorts and high heels in small town Louisiana that I felt pretty confident I too could be a doctor and self-diagnose a major medical illness.  On a related note, Hart of Dixie is one of those shows I'm not proud of, don't even love, but cannot stop watching.  Netflix just keeps on playing and I just keep on watching.  I mean, I've invested a serious 20 hours of my life in it at this point, so I feel like I'm committed. It's like dating a dud - you're not thrilled but its beats the prospect of starting over again.

Alright, so now I have a question (or kwestion... because it goes with karma.... I'm calorically deprived you can only ask so much of me.)  How often do normal people run their dishwasher?  This is one of those questions you can't google and get a real answer for (like, how much should I contribute to my 401k; how do you microwave a baked potato, etc.) I am one day into cooking and have already done more dishes in 24 hours than I have in the past month.  And I mean this quite literally because I usually only run the dishwasher once a month. Yup.  This timing estimate is based on 1) the fact I can't remember how often I run it but it seems like a pretty long stretch of time in between and 2) math.  I have 16 spoons and the lack of spoons is usually what prompts a run.  I use a spoon most weekdays for yogurt and am out of town one week each month.  16 weekdays days + 6 weekend days + 6 out of town days = 28 days.

And before anyone freaks out based on how gross that seems, consider that I'm out of town for a week, go out to eat for most meals when I'm home, make frozen meals for the rest, and thoroughly scrub and rinse all plates before I put them in the dishwasher.  And I never put pots or pans in the dishwasher either, so a full dishwasher is really just a bunch of clean plates and silverware.  Until today.  Now I have all sorts of stuff in there. Spatulas, knives, cutting boards, bowls, measuring things.  I'm pretty sure my water bill will have some sort of spike for these 28 days.  Plus the thought of those plastic cooking things (cooking accoutrements? cooking accessories? whatever) hanging out in there starts to freak me out.  I just picture plastic as a playground for germs (bacteria, salmonella, cholera, etc.)  Seems legit, right?  Apparently I am now eating healthy and cleaning frequently.

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