Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Tuesday's Trials and Tribulations

I am a total awkward elevator conversationalist.  Let me first say I hate elevator customs in the South. I'm not sure they are strictly relegated to the South, but they are clearly magnified here, forcing them (or me? let's settle on both) into awkward orbits.  If a group of people (mixed company) is waiting for an elevator, once it arrives the men will generally hold the doors for the women-folk to enter first and then hop on.  Yes, I just used the terms "mixed company" and "women-folk" but stick with me here. The logical result of this ordering is that the women will be in the back.  When we inevitably arrive at the intended floor, the men then all strangely shuffle to the sides in order to let the women off first.

My issue with this is two-fold.  First, without fail, the shuffle to the side scrunches any poor unsuspecting woman (yup, that's me) to the sides, only to force me to execute a type of bob-and-weave maneuver to indicate to you that 1) I'm behind you 2) I am not amused by your sudden and increased level of closeness and 3) I'm trying to get off the elevator.  Second, THIS IS HUGELY INEFFICIENT.  If you are standing in front of me, I do not take offense if you get off the elevator first. We are all trying to go to the same place. Just move. I will reach my destination faster if you just got off first and let me proceed as logic and the natural order of things intended. Instead, I am forced to do some sort of crazy dance move/squat and bob move to force you to do some sort of backward shuffle soft-shoe routine.  I'm all for manners, but this is out of control.

Not only is the general ride awkward, I'm about 50/50 on having the appropriately pithy and breezy conversation or falling into an awkward quagmire.  I had two such encounters in a single day.  First, I got on the elevator with a lady that works 2 floors above me (no clue who she is, but looks like a lovely woman).  After a blessed moment of silence she asks what department I work in.  I tell her, stop, extended pause, start to tell her a little more and then just stop talking altogether.  Mostly because I realize I'm making it overly complicated and she doesn't really care, but also because we were like 1 floor away from freedom.  So it went something like "I work on XYZ team. ..... Yeah, I .... mmm..... Ok, have a good day."  Then today after work I'm riding the elevator with a guy in my building and as he exits the elevator he says "have a good night." Right as he starts on the "a" I start in with "have a good day." So not only did I just talk over the poor soul, our elevator politeness ends with a type of round-robin as he finishes with "night" and I follow with "day."  It's 7pm.  Clearly night is the appropriate choice and it looks like I just tried to tommy-top him on farewells.

On a completely unrelated note, I have things to share (omg, I'm a total link blogger today!):

Oh hey article relevant to mostly me and serves as proof that I'm not completely a freak: There literally aren't enough men

Also, I'm always ages behind in updating my iPhone software so this isn't even relevant to me yet, but apparently there is some factory data setting that sucks up a ton of data usage insert units of measure and other related techno mumbo jumbo here.  In light of my very apparent lack of technical know-how, read how to fix it here: Wi-fi assist