Thursday, October 15, 2015

Elevator Pitch

I'm pretty sure that when I decided to start blogging I never envisioned having a single post about elevators, let alone two, but here we go:  what is it about guys hitting on me in elevators?!  And yes, I realize that was a total humble brag moment, oh woe is me, people are hitting me, why are you complaining about being single then?  No, these are not welcome or invited encounters.  These are horribly awkward encounters. 



Exhibit 1: the guy in my building that I met in the lobby looking for the trash chute (he was house sitting) who proceeded to weirdly chat me up in the elevator, block the door at his floor, and proceed to ask me if "I hang out."  No, sir, I don't want to hang out with you, I don't even know what that means, and you're blocking the door and the elevator alarm is dinging and I'm about to punch you in the face because you're invoking a panic attack in me right now. Needless to say, we did not "hang out."

Exhibit 2: the guy at work that asked me to lunch in the elevator which I thought was a great networking experience until halfway through the lunch I realized he thought we were on a date. What? No. Please, if you send me a calendar invite on my work calendar, this is not a date. Also, the whole idea of guys being intentional in dating is enough for a whole other post, but a girl should never discover mid-date that she is, in fact, on a date. Upon my dating rejection, he proceeded to sulk and stop talking to me.  Which has obviously made all future elevator encounters of ours SUPER awesome. 

And now we reach this week.  I walk into my building at the same time as this guy, we both end up at the front desk (I'm getting packages, he's getting keys) and are waiting for the elevator together. It turns out that he is moving into the building, so I do the typical welcome to the building polite neighborly statement, but really no more.  At this point he lets me know that, "well you know, I'm in the music business, so I'm moving to Atlanta to really turn it up." Oh really, thanks, Slick, does this mean I should expect another white tricked out Escalade that reeks and looks like Snoop Dog (Snoop Lion?) just rolled in? 


Lest I cast aspersions, I'm not sure who owns the Escalade, only that it exists. Anyway, similar to the last building encounter, this joker again tries to chat me up holding the door open at his floor (again, hyperventilation begins to set in) but thankfully he realized I gave him total bitch face and cut him off mid-sentence with "well great to meet you, I'm sure I'll see you around, byyyee."  On that note, please remind me of this exact conversation in a year when said building neighbor strikes it big and turns out to be some super famous music person.  But still, I think I'm ok with my decision.  


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