Wednesday, June 29, 2016

The gift that keeps on giving

I just had a birthday.  I'm not one of those people that freak out about getting older and having a bunch of people focus on me for an extended period of time is a bit awkward, so birthdays are best as low key casual events with friends. Or, as was the case this year, with family.  I flew home to spend the weekend with my parents and what happened next was extraordinary.  I GOT A SPRAY TAN.
Obviously yes, my biggest fear was turning Bride Wars style orange.   But seriously, the amount of peer pressure exerted by my mother to make this happen was simply astounding.  We'd already agreed to a spa-day of sort, shopping, light lunch, nails, etc.  And then she subtly started laying the groundwork. Oh hey, did you know they got this new spray tan booth at such and such. It's really incredible. It sprays you, dries you, gives amazing uniform color, is voice guided - I love it. My response at this point was the noncommittal oh that sounds lovely.  Nope, I should have known.  Ahh the sweet, sweet innocence of youth.  I just didn't even see it coming.  Then she turned it up, you should try it while you're here. It'll be quick and easy.  You'll love it, no big deal! I mean, you don't have to, of course but I think you'd like it.  Now I start to see what's going on and still try to politely refuse.  Laughable.  She was laughing at me on the inside.  I know it.  Now she brings out the big guns: Come on, try it, you might like it, you never know if you're going to like it until you try it. What's the worst that could happen? Cut lose, have fun with me, comeon! And so I relented.  And she was right.  It was super fast, super easy, I didn't turn orange, and I didn't have any weird blotches, splotches, or streaks. 

BUT I don't have "tan" color makeup.  I have various shades of pale, paler, and sallow. So rather than go buy something for the week that I'm "tan" I went makeup-less. 


Soooo, I might need to backtrack on that statement a little.  It's not that I went totally without, but I went without any sort of foundation or concealer.  Instead I slapped on a fair bit of mascara, some blush, and even added some eyeliner and thought that's really the best I can do.  Bring the focus up to my eyes and away from my sudden bronze glow that is something I am simply not capable of achieving naturally.  And this is a big step since I'm not generally an eyeliner girl.  It usually ends up melting and smears all over my face.  Yup, I'm pretty glamourous.  

Annnndddd clearly I'm not the only one that thought a strong eye was an appropriate balance for being tan.  Disclaimer: I have no idea who this is, but she's all over Google images as a tan fail.  Strangely I'm most disturbed by the light peach lip color, but I digress.  

As the tan has started to fade this week I've gone back to putting on regular makeup, concealer, foundation, etc. And I'm not even kidding, THREE PEOPLE this week have indicated I look tired.  There have only been three days in this week and already my pitiful coloring has become a talking point.  Literally at least once a day for every day of the week it's been a comment.  And all of the commenters have been men.  So I'm taking it they 1) notice something is different but 2) can't quite put their finger on it.  And I'm learning that apparently my normal pale status is not a great one.  Excellent. So ummm... I guess I'm going with "tired" until they realize that's just my normal state? I'll be over here like Jake from State Farm taking your shade. 

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