Tuesday, July 19, 2016

BBQ Encounters

Is it possible to jinx yourself into awkward? If so, that last post just did it.  I kid you not, it was like as soon as I hit the "Publish" button, the social encounter gods took my statement on the lack of recent awkward encounters as a personal challenge.  I picture them sitting up in the sky like Zeus on Mount Olympus sending thunder bolts of awkwardness into my life.  A little bit like Oprah giving away cars, I can just picture them saying "you get an awkward, and you get an awkward, EVERYBODY GETS AN AWKWARD!!!!!!" If only my computer skills were better, I'd try to create some sort of Oprah Zeus meme. 

So this all started the other night, literally minutes after I published my last post.  I went out with friends to grab dinner, intent on hitting up a local barbecue joint.  Well, it was packed and we ended up grabbing burgers instead, but throughout the evening, they kept talking about how great the brussels sprouts were at this other local barbecue restaurant.  Which happens be insanely close to my house.  I was feeling particularly lazy the other night and the brussels sounded good so I made my way on over.
And then things get weird.  I placed my order and start eating and let me say, the brussels were not good.  Not only were they not good, they were awful.  Like probably in the top 2 worst brussels I've ever had.  I'm going to go ahead and caveat this since the brussels referer reads this blog and say that I think I got the wrong guy making them.  Apparently there is one guy who makes them and they are amazing.  Based on his physical description, I did not get him. I got a line chef that was over it and butchered my tasty vegetable treat.

As I'm sitting there at a table, alone, contemplating where my life has gone wrong, this guy comes in to pick up his takeout order which apparently somehow got lost.  So he re-orders and is standing at the counter when two other guys come in.  One of which had green hair like a troll doll.  Like a troll doll meets those green kitchen scouring pad.  Like a troll doll meets a scour pad meets astroturf.  Like a troll doll meets a scour pad meets astroturf meets a tabletop faux christmas tree.  Just picture various shades and textures of green protruding from this guy's head.  #greenhairdontcare

There are no memes sufficient to capture this, but it was so impressive (?) and I was so blatantly staring at him that the guy at the counter looks at me, looks at him, looks back at me (still staring), shakes his head, shrugs and laughs.  Trying to diffuse the awkwardness of my unabashed staring I then also laugh and shake my head. And then he comes over and sits down with me at my table. Yup.
Counter guy, also known as Andrew, has joined me while he waits for his food.  Turns out this is also Andrew's first time at this particular establishment.  He doesn't remember what he ordered but he knows he didn't get the brussels sprouts.  Because if he had, I told him to immediately go change his order.  Ouch.  Brutal truths.   But wait, I also don't understand how he cannot remember what he just ordered.  He ordered and then re-ordered literally 3 minutes ago.  And he's ordering for a group of friends so whatever orders those friends had placed with him went out the window.  If I ordered ribs and Andrew came back with pulled chicken, we'd no longer be friends.  I'm putting Andrew on notice.

And then Andrew's food order is up.  I figure this means he'll pick it up and go on his merry way.  Nope.  He brings it back to my (our?) table and proceeds to open each food container for my approval and discussion.  I mean, at this point, I have no idea what to say to him as I tell him he ordered well and his friends will be pleased.  He seemed nice enough but was strangely lingering at my/our table.  If you're gonna linger and perhaps hope I'm going to ask for your number, man up and ask me for mine.  Or else be less weird, don't linger, and exit with a graceful "nice to meet you".  Instead he repackaged his food, sat for a bit, and then left.  Odd. And so I will leave you with this:

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